S-U-M-M-E-R

As we all know, summer is approaching very fast. So I thought you'd like my thinspo,

Summer-ized!

<3

The Secret

The Secret is a book that I've been reading for the past couple days.

It talks about thinking positive thoughts & by doing this you will attract whatever you

wish to come to you. You have to picture in your mind exactly

what you want, and picture yourself being or having it.

So that's exactly what I've been doing. I've been testing out this

"Secret"

I bet you can only guess what my wish is...

DUN DU DU DUHHHHH!

SKINNY SKINNY SKINNY THOUGHTS.

I wrote down my goal weight on a piece of paper

& put it in a place where I'll see it every single day.

I've been staying positive & it's making me feel wonderful.

I keep telling myself I'm going to reach my goal weight by summer.

So I wake up this morning to check my horoscope...this is what it said:

"You are someone who would love to believe in miracles. Aquarius,

but your analytical mind often prohibits you from reaching out

to a higher force when you want or need something.

For the rest of the week and throughout the coming weekend,though,

you may enjoy a few experiences that will change your mindset.

Get ready for an excellent run of good fortune

and a few small miracles.

Hopefully you will accept and embrace what

occurs to you with an open mind

and a good dose of faith."

Is it just coincidence?? I think NOT!

This has gone on for too long

Hello! I'm sorry I haven't been here very much lately.

To tell you the truth, I feel ashamed. I've been eating like

crazy and I didn't know what to say to you guys, but I'm getting

back on the wagon. Please, help! I've fallen off too many times this month.

I'm done.

My inspiration...:)

Thanks to my new followers!! <3

Rainy Day

My weekend was pretty good, I went to the movies & partied it up at my brothers house.

I was worried about my diet getting out of hand for this week because I was supposed

to go to my friend's house but plans have changed & I get to stay home for the next

few weeks. I'm so happy about that because noone will interfear with my eating!

Or I should say...not eating. I tried the ABC diet & to tell you the truth, I can't

do a diet like that. It's much easier for me to just not eat anything. So that's

what I'm doing. Pretty much. Todays I only had a little piece of chocolate

(80) just so I could get some sugar in me. Tonight I'm going to the gym

to work it off, & then some. I need to find a job right now so I'm

thinking of walking to the little coffee shop around the corner of

my house to fill out an application. Getting out & going on a

mini walk will do me some good. It's been raining here

since I woke up so it's a good thing the coffee shop

isn't that far away. :) Hmmm, I see that I have two

more followers! Thank you for being here for

me! Even though you may not know it,

you're really helping me get through

this & through my days. You're

very much  appreciated!!

I hope you all have a

great day & thank

you for reading.

<3

FUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

I want someone to love me, is that so much to ask??
How is that gunna happen with me looking &
acting the way that I do. I'm so fucking
shy, & to top it off, I'm a fucking
fat ass. All I ask is for
someone to just care.
please....

So, um, yeah, my life is so fucking out of order & the worst part is... noone knows. I've been thinking about my ex lately....UGH. FML (fuck my life) anyways, heres some thinspo pictures

 If only....

Feelings

I feel like screaming.
I feel alone.
I feel like crying.
I feel stupid.
I feel like dying.
I feel tired.
I feel weak.
I feel like I belong under a rock where noone can see me or know me.

Sometimes....this is how I feel.

Secrets

I feel like my life is just one huge secret. There's so much about me that noone knows.

Certain things my parents know, but not other very important people to me. &

then those very important people know stuff about me that my parents &

family don't even know. I can't take it anymore. It's even something

that I can't really say on here...

I've chosen to live this lifestyle knowing that my life has to be one...big...HUGE...

SECRET.

So I guess I just have to deal with it.

Anyways, last night I fell off the wagon & ate a bazillion calories....

I know, I'm a fuck up. Apparently I don't have as much

will power as I thought. But it's ok, my limit for today

is only (300) & I've already had about (200).

Todays a new day & I can do this...

I will do this.

Milk & cookies

I've had a pretty good day today! I've already had my (500) for the day & I'm so very proud of

myself for sticking to this. One of the things that's helping is my parents are out of town for the

next couple days so I don't have them on my back all the time. I'm babysitting my baby

brother while they're gone so getting him his food & handling it but not getting to have

any is making it a little hard but nothing I can't handle. Pretty please help me to

it going. My brothers & cousin are sitting here eating cookies & milk. They

know I'm on a diet & are purposefully waiving it in my face. I have

WILL POWER though & they can't brake me!! ;)

I'm scared...

I fell asleep around 7:30pmish. It was the only thing I could think to do to keep
from thinking about food. & now I'm actually scared to get up for fear that
I'll start thinking about it again, which I already am, & I don't want to
screw up my diet. I've been doing so good today. I hope
tomorrows the same way...or better.

I ran out of calories for the day.

I had four lifesavers (60)

One cup of noodles (290)

&

Two cookies (160)

My total for today wass supposed to be (500) but I went over by

(10), but I still think that's pretty good. :)

ABC Diet

I think I'll try this for 50 days...

1: 500 calories (or less)
2: 500 calories (or less)

3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 caloriies
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Yay!

I have my first follower! Thanks for being here & supporting me through this. Todays been

a pretty good day. I was really looking forward to sleeping in this morning but at about

8:30am I hear a knock at my door & it's my mother wanting me to go to IKEA

with her. UGH!!! I love you mom, but why couldn't I have just slept in?! It's

 all good though. It was fun, kinda like a mini day out. So it's almost noon

& so far all I've had today were four lifesavers (60) & I'm not planning

on having any more than that today. While we were at IKEA my

mom kept asking me if I wanted a cinnamon roll....I told her

  that I was on a diet & it really wouldn't be the best thing

for me to be eating. End of story, no questions asked.

:) Now all I have to do is make it through this first

week & I'll be so happy with myself. It is a

pretty nice day today so I decided to

make a bold move & wear shorts. I

was nervous but I did it. My legs

are so fucking fat, it's

ridiculous! But I'm

trying to gain a

little bit more

confidence

here.

I'm Back!

"The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet the steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going."

I saw this ^^^ today & I thought it'd be appropriate for my blog. :) I hope you agree.

So...these past couple days have been pretty hecktick. That's why I haven't really

been on lately. & it's also why I haven't really stuck to my diet...:'(. I've been

feeling so guilty about it this entire time, but I couldn't really stick to it

with whats been going on. So I was invited to go spend a couple

week with my best friend & her family & go on vacation. So

I went. It was fun, I went to St. George, UT & Las Vegas,

NV. My best friend would never allow me to not eat

so I really had no other choice. But since today is

sunday night I can start my diet over again

tomorrow & have a fresh start. I can do

it & I know I will. I have a guy whos

interested in me right now :) & all

I can think about is getting down

to my goal weight so he'll be

physically attracted to me.

When I look at myself, I

have no idea how he'd

even want to be with

me period. So I've

got my work

cut out for

me!! ;)