Feelings

I feel like screaming.
I feel alone.
I feel like crying.
I feel stupid.
I feel like dying.
I feel tired.
I feel weak.
I feel like I belong under a rock where noone can see me or know me.

Sometimes....this is how I feel.

Secrets

I feel like my life is just one huge secret. There's so much about me that noone knows.

Certain things my parents know, but not other very important people to me. &

then those very important people know stuff about me that my parents &

family don't even know. I can't take it anymore. It's even something

that I can't really say on here...

I've chosen to live this lifestyle knowing that my life has to be one...big...HUGE...

SECRET.

So I guess I just have to deal with it.

Anyways, last night I fell off the wagon & ate a bazillion calories....

I know, I'm a fuck up. Apparently I don't have as much

will power as I thought. But it's ok, my limit for today

is only (300) & I've already had about (200).

Todays a new day & I can do this...

I will do this.

Milk & cookies

I've had a pretty good day today! I've already had my (500) for the day & I'm so very proud of

myself for sticking to this. One of the things that's helping is my parents are out of town for the

next couple days so I don't have them on my back all the time. I'm babysitting my baby

brother while they're gone so getting him his food & handling it but not getting to have

any is making it a little hard but nothing I can't handle. Pretty please help me to

it going. My brothers & cousin are sitting here eating cookies & milk. They

know I'm on a diet & are purposefully waiving it in my face. I have

WILL POWER though & they can't brake me!! ;)

I'm scared...

I fell asleep around 7:30pmish. It was the only thing I could think to do to keep
from thinking about food. & now I'm actually scared to get up for fear that
I'll start thinking about it again, which I already am, & I don't want to
screw up my diet. I've been doing so good today. I hope
tomorrows the same way...or better.

I ran out of calories for the day.

I had four lifesavers (60)

One cup of noodles (290)

&

Two cookies (160)

My total for today wass supposed to be (500) but I went over by

(10), but I still think that's pretty good. :)